Where to Start: finding your personal core values

Whether daily or when thinking long-term about goals and aspirations, personal values play a significant role in how we go about making the change we want to see in the world - starting with ourselves.

Personal values are best defined through introspection on what individual values mean to us. This process is best facilitated by a values card deck, like the Garden of Values, which guides you through each step and prompts you to clarify or deepen your understanding of what you feel and think is important in your life.

Before you enter the following process, take a moment to think about the following:

  • What values do you live by?

  • Who are you today, at this moment in time?

Step 1: Make your First Pick

Take your set of values cards and spread them out, facing up, in front of you, or take them one by one from the pile and just observe.

Yes or no?

Look over the cards in front of you. If a value resonates with you in any way, select it and place it on a “YES” pile. For all the cards that don’t resonate with you, create a “NO” pile.

This is a reactive exercise, so if you feel an affinity for a card in any way, simply place it in the “YES” pile.

Step 2: Narrow down to find your top ten values

From the selected pile, start reducing the cards until you reach your top ten. When selecting, you can ask yourself the following questions:

  • Which values represent me, what I believe in?

  • What would others say about me?

  • If I had to choose only 10 values, would I be able to “stand behind them?”

You may feel that some values mean the same thing to you, even if the terminology differs. In that case, choose the value and the word for that value that resonates best with you. Compare cards as often as needed to come up with your top ten.

Step 3: Prioritize what matters most and build your values pyramid

Once you have your top ten values, put their cards in front of you and distribute them into a pyramid (start with the most expressed one at the top, in the next row, place two, then the next row three, and, in the last row, four of them).

Think of different situations and compare the values you’ve laid out. In the case of a given situation, which value would you go by?

Remove the “shoulds,” “coulds,” and “musts” in your head and focus on what you genuinely think/feel is your way of doing things.

Get to your absolute Core values

Review the peak of your pyramid.

Choose your top one (or top 3 or top 6 values), those that represent the absolute core values, those by which you live.

Step 4: Stress test and review your set values

After the selection, think about the following questions:

  • Do these values make you feel good about yourself?

  • Are you proud of your top three values?

  • Would you be comfortable and proud to tell your values to people you respect and admire?

  • Do these values represent things you would support, even if your choice isn’t popular with others?

If necessary, change the values you have selected and repeat this step.

Make a Final Check

Look at the values that you didn’t choose, those in the “NO” pile. See if any need to be included in your pyramid.

Perhaps you don’t live by that value right now, but you want to or need to in the future. If there is such a value, mark it with an asterisk and add it to your selection.

If you are satisfied with your selection, it’s time to embody it.

Step 5: Embody and Live Your Values

Think about how you can embody selected values. Which behaviors, actions, or new habits can you introduce to live better by them? Setting up specific goals for each of your values might help.

Consider these value + goal + activity examples:

  • Discipline

    Start a running routine, learn a new language, enroll in a challenge with others to achieve a specific long-term goal.

  • Harmony

    Think about what harmony means to you: in your work, your relationships, your everyday lifestyle. Find your meditation practice, harmonize your relationships, get a mentor who masters harmony as you define it.

  • Determination

    10x your goals and break them down into specific milestones. Create a list of occasions when your determination shined and share it with others to inspire them.

Reminders: make your values visible

Commitment lists can become a trap of false promises. However, if you can “see it”, you are more likely to achieve it. So how could you make your values visible as a reminder for you, digitally or physically?

Taking a picture of the selected pyramid, creating wall art with chosen values, or a vision board or a mood board are all great ways to ground the values and keep them nearby as a reminder.

You could take it one step further and create a collection of different pictures of what it means and looks like for you to live according to these values.

For example, your top value might be “Achievement”. You could add photos of a crowd cheering (representing the recognition you would receive), of Mount Everest, of a medal or pendant, and any photos, objects, people, and places that represent “achievement” to you.

Review and Adapt your values over time

In your everyday life, take the time periodically to audit your chosen values. The best way to do this is to set up reminders to review your values every half year or to note down yearly milestones on your birthday.

This can help you check whether you achieved the goals you’d set up for each value, or how much you have incorporated the chosen values into your everyday life.

Once you have set the values up, share them with others to express what is important to you and whether the individuals in your life share the values you have, or whether they have completely different ones.

Values can change over time

When doing a review, you’re also free to see whether the selected values you have are still the same. This is because, in different eras of our lives, our values and the things we deem important will probably change.

The most exemplary instance of this is entering parenthood when the value of family will likely take priority, and the other values will take a back seat, at least at the beginning of your time starting a family.

Check whether you would put more importance on a different value, or add a value to your existing list.

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© 2024 Reemina Limited. All Rights reserved.
Reemina Limited, Klimataria 11, 4607 Pissouri, Cyprus
© 2024 Reemina Limited. All Rights reserved.
Reemina Limited, Klimataria 11, 4607 Pissouri, Cyprus